As my first virtual blog runs to a close, I'll be sharing the guest posts, interviews, and other assorted oddities that came around as a result. First up is a character confession written for Paranormalists on July 5, 2021.


 

FROM THE DESK OF

Diane Morris

Special Agent

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Department of Intangible Assets, Southeast Division

 

June 10, [REDACTED]

Attn: Director Jermaine LaFleur

 

          I am writing today to follow up on my previous unanswered correspondence and to once again formally request a transfer from Field Operations to the relative safety of Logistics. As you are well aware, I have served as a field agent within the DIA for more than [REDACTED], and I feel my talents would be put to better use behind a desk, far away from any [REDACTED] who may, yet again, attempt to eat me. I might add that this is the [REDACTED] time within the past fiscal year I have been forced to request reimbursement for a personal firearm lost in the execution of my duties. I still have not received a check for last year’s debacle, despite assurances that the Department would cover the cost of a new [REDACTED]. I keep a running log of my ongoing out of pocket expenses, and currently it sits at $1,831.69.

          If I were assigned to Logistics, I could make sure that field personnel receive not only the proper reimbursement, but also the appropriate equipment for use on their assignments. Our current Logistics liaison, Mr. [REDACTED], issued me copper-core rather than mercurial-core ammunition on this last assignment, and it was only after the [REDACTED] began laughing that I realized the joke was on me. It was just dumb luck that a train was passing by and I had time to [DATA EXPUNGED PENDING DISCIPLINARY REVIEW]. I realize that funding has been tight this year, but there’s no excuse for this kind of lapse in judgment. As far as I’m concerned, Mr. [REDACTED] can go ahead and shove his [REDACTED] right up that pinched little [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] himself until he [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].

          On a personal note, you know that I am not giving out any ultimatums. I stand by my oath. When I was just a patrol officer, you pulled me out of that thing in [REDACTED]. I’m never going to forget what that means. I enjoy having the opportunity to make a difference by being a part of the Department. I will continue to safeguard the public against these anomalous threats until I am relieved of my position. As you are aware, I have outlived most of my peers, and I would very much like to see my own retirement from this side of the cemetery lawn.

          With all of that in mind, bear me in mind the next time a position in Logistics becomes available. Judging by Mr. [REDACTED] blood pressure, I’m optimistic this may be very soon.

         

          Respectfully,

 

          Diane Morris

          Senior Field Agent - Jacksonville

 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

By Our Own Hands or None - Concrete 2: Revenge of the Crete

Image
  Concrete 2 Revenge of the Crete Vampire Wire and other torture devices July 2019 was a good month to pour concrete. Not so much because of the weather, which was surface-of-the-sun hot, but because we finally passed the first plumbing inspection. Still, there were a few things to sort out before we got around to playing in the mud. The first and most important was to fill and compact all the trenches that wouldn't end up full of concrete. Plumbing finished? Well, close enough for government work. Part of the foundation plan called for a few interior footers to help bear the load of the second story and the interior stairs, so these needed to be dug out, beveled off, and readied for concrete. Like everything else we did, these footers were both wider, deeper, and more reinforced than the blueprints required. Anything worth doing is worth doing right, as they say. You can see the main interior footer in the middle of the flab. Also pictured: the shower framing. One of those all imp
Read more

LEAKED MEMO: Department of Intangible Assets

Image
ATTN: All Field Personnel, Southeast Division RE: Asset Designation Numbers As per my previous email, all field personnel submitting a new Type/ Categorization Report (TCR-1023-A) should remember to include the following information: - Date of Initial Contact - Location of Initial Contact - Number of Disparate Anomalies - Estimated Severity (See the Smith-Wyatt Standardization Bell Curve in SOP 110 for a refresher) - Number of Initial Casualties (If applicable) - Any additional pertinent information as needed. This should include an educated guess for asset category, origin and designation, as well as any intelligence gathered in the field relevant to future encounters. Please refer to the attached Asset Designation Number Form to refresh yourselves with the current formatting of finalized ADN. Do not distribute this email outside of the workplace. Regards, SA Diane Morris Dept. of Intangible Assets Southeast Division  
Read more

By Our Own Hands or None - Just Plumb Dumb

Image
 We Are Not Plumbers A Comedy in PVC Parts In June, 2019, the stem wall was finished and it was time to begin slab prep. Before we could pour concrete, we needed to level out and compact the dirt, dig the interior footers, and get the drainage plumbing finished. Sounds pretty simple, right? After all, dirt and footers are simple enough to get right, just a matter of hard work. Well, what makes that hard work even easier? Heavy equipment. Through the miracle of "modern" technology, you don't need to throw out your back. Once levelled, the dirt inside the stem wall needed to have a few minor adjustments made to the height, which was accomplished by wheelbarrow and shovel. I cannot stress enough how heavy comrade sunshine is on days like this, but details matter when it comes to the foundation.  After the dirt's all pretty much in the right place, it's time for Mr. Compactor to come in and do its job. If you're unfamiliar with this little guy, it's essentiall
Read more