As my first virtual blog runs to a close, I'll be sharing the guest posts, interviews, and other assorted oddities that came around as a result. First up is a character confession written for Paranormalists on July 5, 2021.


 

FROM THE DESK OF

Diane Morris

Special Agent

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Department of Intangible Assets, Southeast Division

 

June 10, [REDACTED]

Attn: Director Jermaine LaFleur

 

          I am writing today to follow up on my previous unanswered correspondence and to once again formally request a transfer from Field Operations to the relative safety of Logistics. As you are well aware, I have served as a field agent within the DIA for more than [REDACTED], and I feel my talents would be put to better use behind a desk, far away from any [REDACTED] who may, yet again, attempt to eat me. I might add that this is the [REDACTED] time within the past fiscal year I have been forced to request reimbursement for a personal firearm lost in the execution of my duties. I still have not received a check for last year’s debacle, despite assurances that the Department would cover the cost of a new [REDACTED]. I keep a running log of my ongoing out of pocket expenses, and currently it sits at $1,831.69.

          If I were assigned to Logistics, I could make sure that field personnel receive not only the proper reimbursement, but also the appropriate equipment for use on their assignments. Our current Logistics liaison, Mr. [REDACTED], issued me copper-core rather than mercurial-core ammunition on this last assignment, and it was only after the [REDACTED] began laughing that I realized the joke was on me. It was just dumb luck that a train was passing by and I had time to [DATA EXPUNGED PENDING DISCIPLINARY REVIEW]. I realize that funding has been tight this year, but there’s no excuse for this kind of lapse in judgment. As far as I’m concerned, Mr. [REDACTED] can go ahead and shove his [REDACTED] right up that pinched little [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] himself until he [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].

          On a personal note, you know that I am not giving out any ultimatums. I stand by my oath. When I was just a patrol officer, you pulled me out of that thing in [REDACTED]. I’m never going to forget what that means. I enjoy having the opportunity to make a difference by being a part of the Department. I will continue to safeguard the public against these anomalous threats until I am relieved of my position. As you are aware, I have outlived most of my peers, and I would very much like to see my own retirement from this side of the cemetery lawn.

          With all of that in mind, bear me in mind the next time a position in Logistics becomes available. Judging by Mr. [REDACTED] blood pressure, I’m optimistic this may be very soon.

         

          Respectfully,

 

          Diane Morris

          Senior Field Agent - Jacksonville

 


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